Why writing my book takes so long…

So this is an IM conversation that my friend Mary and I had about a year ago wherein she was attempting to help me sort out some of the “how my world works” issues. I came across it again today and not only did it remind me of some of what I had been thinking, I found it a bit humorous, too.  So if you’re a thinker, I hope you enjoy our philosophical rants.  And if you have any ideas or suggestions, feel free to comment!

Lori Ann: Tried to dream about how Areskia “exists no more” but didn’t fully work… So am thinking that somehow it is the spirit or essence of Areskia which gives this shadowcraft or whatever its power…Neither the Aggelos, nor the Aposkamia nor the humans experienced death until that one day when the battle took place…Up until that time those who got sick could be healed (the humans by those with gifts and the Aggelos by singing the song) and there was no death by violence yet…

Mary: yeah – spiritual forces work well

Lori Ann: (but is it weird to only have one?)

Mary: but the gifts Anatole has could be spiritual in nature too

Lori Ann: The Aposkamia, I figure, could somewhat heal themselves, albeit slowly, because of all the “light/life” they ‘took in’ from the time they rebelled till the Creator re-relegated the light… well, they’re spiritual in the sense that they were given by the Creator. Whom I guess is technically spirit because He ‘encased himself’ in flesh to become a part of their world… But both the Aggelos and Ammi races were made of the earth… But I guess I could go with there being something that surrounds the earth that the fabric of the earth was woven around that is spiritual…

Mary: right – the Force! :P:P jk

Lori Ann: grr….

Mary: or you could go plato

Lori Ann: eew! NO PLATO!

Mary: oh, what did Plato ever do to you…

Lori Ann: Greek philosophy has damage in Christendom…

Mary: not to mention in collegedom…

Lori Ann: :))  So am thinking that Diabolos and Areskia had a fight right before the attack on the kingdom – where Areskia was severely wounded – but didn’t die because of the strength/life she had consumed… And she is wounded and ‘dying’ and in the lands north of the Phragmos Sea (but far East of the kingdom) and stumbles upon a river…

Mary: ah, water imagery good…

Lori Ann: and as she drinks she notices that more strength flows in her and the wounds start healing faster…

Mary: BEER!!!!  :P:P

Lori Ann: So she follows the river towards the source and has to dive in when she reaches a place where it seems to come out from under a mountain.

Mary: I like so far!

Lori Ann: And inside is a Heiros garden – and until then none of the gardens had been discovered. Now the gardens were small pockets of the original creation that Hosiotes hid when he relegated the sun and moon… So inside the garden light is still emitted from everything. And – though I haven’t finished working out details – I figure that, given the opportunity, the Aposkamia can still devour light/life… well, that original light/life… And she’s been so yearning it since the Creator changed things….

Mary: makes sense – they didn’t change substance, right?

Lori Ann: And so she is able to start absorbing it… No, didn’t change substance, but did shift the way the substance worked… Instead of either emitting or devouring light/life it remained stationary – containing life and reflecting/absorbing light like our bodies do (for color and such)

Mary: right, but their “original programming” for lack of a better term was still intact

Lori Ann: yeah – something like that… But – and now that we’re chatting it’s making more sense…. I figure there has to be a limit… and, if like I described, they’re bodies now ‘contain’ life, then as she absorbs it it’s not quite as a bottomless pit as it once was… So she is still depleting the light/life from the garden (which becomes barren and dries up the river) – she’ll get to a point where her physical body can’t sustain it… And so somehow she kinda vaporizes and becomes this bodiless essence… of course, it has to make sense in terms of darkness, too… hmmm…

Mary: true – absorb enough darkness, you become it

Lori Ann: but she’s absorbing light – devouring it because she IS dark.

Mary: so she would become light? …wait – is she the good one or the bad one

Lori Ann: Maybe it’s like eating – if you eat too much even of good stuff, the way your body handles it doesn’t necessarily mean good stuff comes out, right?  …she’s bad.

Mary: okay – that’s what I thought

Lori Ann: but the light/life also provides a sort of control over the creation – at least this does because the rest of creation doesn’t ‘work’ that way anymore…

Mary: perhaps her “body” rejects the light – like an allergy

Lori Ann: but how would she retain the power?

Mary: She uses it, but it takes a toll… losing her physical state?

Lori Ann: the power is that she can consume the light of the Heiros garden and make it dark… maybe?

Mary: But if she consumes light like a black hole – then there could be some seed of good (albeit utterly compressed)

Lori Ann: well, she was created good…

Mary: A little hope?

Lori Ann: no hope for her… she’s worse than the White Witch!

Mary: so were black holes – but they continue to consume and never go back to being a sun (or so we think) :D:D …until they explode! :P:P  …If we go that approach, then there could be a cycle through the ages, good to bad to utterly bad to kaboom then back to the beginning

Lori Ann: the world is only like 1000 years from start to finish.  …too Eastern philosophy for me!  …except physically she is no longer a black hole…just spiritually.  hmm… wonder where people ‘go’ when they die in my world? Do people in my world have souls or spirits?  this is getting difficult… …so I thought of how spirit/death works in my world… but kinda fear it might actually make the Areskia thing harder!

3 hours later

Lori Ann: Orson Welles? Seriously?

Mary: go figure…  room’s dark…

Lori Ann: likely excuse. :P:P so let’s see if I can do this in short since I need to go to bed!  I’m not really making body and spirit separate… in our world God made humans from the earth and breathed life (nephesh = “spirit”) into them… in my world the creator dropped a drop of blood on some flowers and sang to them…

Mary: so each person has a piece of spirit – could anyone have power, then?

Lori Ann: But something Dad said at dinner about “being dormant” after death made me think of Paul’s imagery of the seed in the grown – sown perishable and raised imperishable…

Mary: hmm… interesting

Lori Ann: So when people die in my world it’s not like the spirit separates from the body… the whole person is dormant – like a seed kinda.

Mary: gotcha  …But somehow Anatole “woke up”?

Lori Ann: I’m just making it so that there is no separation between spirit and body.

Mary: right. Stick it to the greco-romans! :P:P

Lori Ann: amen!  …no – she didn’t exist before she was born or anything – she was endowed the gift by the Creator – the first since they died out.  Of course, some think the Creator/King is dead… but he’s not really…

Mary: right – He’s dormant too… or at least it seems so

Lori Ann: well, people assume he died since he was dying last they saw him….

Mary: okay

Lori Ann: but here’s the thing, because he had encased himself in the substance of that world… oh shoot, there I go again with two substances. stupid Greeks – can’t get away from it!

Mary: so the physical died …oh crap – that doesn’t work either  **shakes fist at the ancient Greeks**

Lori Ann: well, I never really say- but the idea I had is that since he was dying, in order for him to not die he had to shed the physical body he’d put himself in – and in shedding it his true glory would be seen and it would have killed all the people because they were disobedient (ie. sinful) at that point…. But I HAVE to have two substances – so to speak – for the creator! Because otherwise it would be pantheism or panentheism… What he created was separate from himself…

Mary: what if He took the form of a man – can we use Arian? Arius?

 Lori Ann: Then he encased himself in that substance… gave himself a body.

Mary: But if they were in the Image…

Lori Ann: no, need something substantive, not just appearances – oh wait, that was gnosticism!  …they weren’t in the image.

Mary: ah

Lori Ann: that is one place the theology differs.

Mary: hm. I think we’ve painted ourselves into a corner…

Lori Ann: except to say that it is his blood that gave them form and his song that gave them life… where are Tolkein and Lewis when I need them?

Mary: so if they were formed from His blood, can they be made of the same substance as the Creator? …But that doesn’t work either

Lori Ann: well… Creator called into existance a lump of clay from which he formed the earth – dirt, grass, flowers, animals, wind, water, currents – sculpted it. Then he clothed himself in that clay and set himself on the earth.

Mary: right – and He formed them from His blood on the flowers …so clothing does not necessarily mean He was of two substances

Lori Ann: It was when he stood and lifted his eyes that the place was filled with light and life – which at that point are rather insuperable.  …right. he is just different than his creation – but in order to walk among them as was his heart’s desire, he clothed himself with the substance of their world. But their essence I guess would be more like living substance…. I guess he could have chosen anything to make people out of – dirt, flowers, clouds, water, animals…  It was his blood and song that set them apart from the rest of creation.  Possibly connecting them to his very essence?  though there I’m back to two substances, aren’t I?  I do mention that the song connects the people to his mind, heart and will….

Mary: maybe, unless His essence was like a seed and they are the plant or flower that sprang from it – looks different than the seed, behaves different from the seed. Yeah, leave it to the Expert….:P:P

Lori Ann:  :))  Perhaps I should pray for some divinely guided dreams tonight to help work out my world?

Mary: There ya go, man!

Lori Ann: I love my creation story – I think it’s beautiful and there was so much theology that I worked through even in it – but now it’s getting even more complicated!

Mary: That’s what happens when you start thinking…

Lori Ann:  yeah.. don’t ya just hate it? But it’s 9 and I really shoudl be in bed…. Lovely chatting with you again – perhaps we can continue another time? :P:P

Mary: yep – get some rest

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A Vision of My Own…

I had another strange dream last night.  Including kittens, accidents, trying to call 911 and getting random people across the world and other weird things.

But what sticks out is my response when someone asked me (during a rather tame part of the dream) where and how I pictured myself – in the future, living, doing, etc… My response was that I picture myself married, in a house -actually mentioned a multi-level house where the kitchen and living/family room are on a main level and then off to one end there are bedrooms – both upstairs and down – including a prophet room and my office/studio – and possibly a full basement, too… oh, and a big nice kitchen to cook and serve in -with a pot rack!… and my job? Taking care of our children and doing some mime and creative arts teaching/training on the side. Oh, and hosting tea parties.

And those are things which I have sometimes envisioned.  But there are other things, too, some of which have been mentioned in previous posts.  Like I could see myself single and in the city living above a mime/dance studio (or tea shop) that I work at.  Or in a little stone cottage along a rocky coast somewhere…

Thing is, I have a very active imagination.  And so it’s quite easy for me to be able to picture myself in any number of places and situations.  Easy.  Which sometimes leads me to wonder where it is that I should actually be…

The other week some new ideas and visions came to mind.  And in a way I can picture myself there and doing that, but it’s nothing like what I have thought before. So I pondered what it could mean…

Then earlier this week I was speaking to a friend about a new direction and vision which God has given them.  And I’ve since started to pray for that family – in more detail than I thought I could – regarding this new direction.  It occurred to me during my prayers this morning that I can pray specifically because God’s vision for them is actually related (similar, and yet different) than the vision I had recently been seeing myself!  Which got me to thinking…

I’m an artist.  Artists tend to be visionaries and God has often worked through artists to birth visions.  To plow, sow, water, nourish… I’ve seen it in my own life time and time again how ideas and visions I have (and share or try to bring about) tend to happen further down the road, after I’ve passed on from there or even in someone else’s life.

So maybe that is my role and my visions and ideas and goals and dreams are typically intended for others.  To prepare the soil, to sow the seed, to be able to pray specifically and encourage.

And that’s cool!  I can handle that.

But in thinking all this (which, of course, didn’t take quite as long as trying to write it out and explain it), a verse came to mind.  As a prayer.  Exodus 1:21.

And because the midwives feared God, he gave them families of their own.

The midwives were faithful in their job helping to birth new life.  And so God gave them new little lives of their own.  So a desire and a prayer surfaced from my heart to my lips this morning. “Lord, even as I am faithful, and seek to be faithful in this role you’ve given me, of plowing, sowing, planting – birthing Your visions here for others – grant me a vision of my own.”

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