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Posts Tagged ‘crossroads’

I am finally stepping forward from the crossroads!

I wrote my “at a crossroads” post on April 10th.  By the 18th I was pretty sure I knew what direction to head, but I felt there was something yet keeping me from embarking on that path.  And there was never a “big” moment, really.  Just lots of little nudges and the more I headed toward the path ahead, the more it seemed that is where I was supposed to be going. But I knew if I was going to dive in, fully, no looking back, I wanted to make sure the water was deep enough!  (Well, so to speak.)

I had an interesting, though good, meeting with my pastor.  About what I sensed God wanting me to do with the gifts and skills and passions He’s given me and if there is a place where I can fit in and serve the local body at my church.  The short and long of it is, there isn’t.  Not now.  In some ways I left with more questions than answers, but it got me seriously thinking about the possibility of needing to move to a bigger area, where arts are more prominent (which is a thought I’ve conveniently avoided for nearly four years).  The meeting also really brought me to the point where I knew the commitment to my path had to be a firm one…

And then there were conversations with my boss (also a pastor) and my parents and a couple of friends.  There were repeated songs that I kept hearing in various places.  There were hints and whispers in my devotional time and prayers.  There was even a wonderful release from a ministry I was about to plunge into that was not where God wanted me.  There were also cropping up hints of opportunities and possibilities and the dream I had been given originally was being revived.

And then there was the overwhelming sense that God was saying to me, “why do you keep standing at this crossroads asking me which path to take when you know very well what path I already had set you on.  Get on it and stick to it.  Don’t wander.”

And perhaps one of the best parts of all this is that I know it’s not going to be easy.  It’s not going to come quickly or easily and it will involve hard work.  And yet I’m filled with an overwhelming joy!  Far different from the good things I’ve gotten involved with that were exciting and hard work and yet did not fill me with joy (but instead left me worn and weary).

I was going to write this post last weekend.  But I am glad I didn’t.  Because we had a prayer meeting Sunday night at church.  I went because I felt that I needed to be there.  No particular reason (and I fought a hundred excuses not to go), but I knew I had to go.  I kinda figured I’d pray for friends who had recently lost loved ones and other requests for friends and family and the like… I didn’t know God wanted me there for myself.  The prayer meeting was organized and included worship and guided prayer and it was very well done.  There was a time of confession.  Began with a group confession and then silent time for our own.  And I felt strongly led to confess my wandering off the path God had put me on and repent (meaning to turn away from the wrong and to the right). And so I did.  Later in the service the altar was opened for personal prayer and I found myself going forward – to consecrate myself for this path and to pray for strength (and physical health) to go forward on it and not look back or wander this time.  And my pastor prayed with me.  So not planned.  So of God!

So here I am, boldly (yet humbly) stepping forward.  The path laid out before me is that of mime and the arts and teaching (and even some performing).  There are low hanging tree branches and hills and uneven turf and sometimes the road winds and sometimes it’s dark and sometimes it’s rainy, but it is the path I must walk.  And I will do so.  With joy.  Because that is where God has called me!

So I’m taking dance classes this month.  In July I’ll be teaching a 5-week mime class at the dance studio (with great floors and mirrors) – and they’re even paying me for it!  My chiropractor was pleased at my last exam and I’ve been exercising and conditioning and stretching regularly.  I’m hoping to offer some more “mime intensives” like I did last summer and there are other opportunities around the corner as well.

God is good.  And I am so thankful for the grace given me even as I have doubted and wandered!

I am stepping forward.

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